Bex Burton shares how she healed from the need to please and now helps independent women attract and grow lasting love, without sacrificing who they are or what they want out of life. Over the last decade, Bex has committed to the study and growth of lasting love, within herself, and in her union with her Beloved. Through her signature programs, Your Majesty, and Core Joy Living, she helps other independent women do the same.
Bex inspires deeply transformational experiences through movement, mindfulness and meditation, via live and online programs, spectacle dance performances, and nature-immersive glamping retreats.
In this episode of the Woman of Value Podcast:
- How to identify and heal the need to please
- The importance of a mindfulness practice
- Why we need to get into our bodies and out of our heads
- How Bex stays present and focused on self-care
S3 EP 12: Bex Burton – Healing the Need to Please
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WHAT DOES WOMAN OF VALUE MEAN TO YOU?
She is self-aware. She has recognition of herself in many capacities. Not just in the external awarenesses, but the deeper emotional experiences. She understands her wounding from her early childhood experiences. She can communicate the things that are important to her; her feelings and needs in all relationships. She can express boundaries to protect herself and her well being and be sure her highest needs are honored.
YOUR ‘AHA’ WOMAN OF VALUE MOMENT
It took me a long time to recognize that I have people pleasing tendencies. It wasn’t until I attracted my life partner that I started examining it. He helped me go deeper into my work around relationship skills.
When my husband was traveling for work, I would drive him to the airport and pick him up. One night, I wasn’t expecting him home for a few days, and I had a self care night planned for myself. He asked if I’d pick him up. I went into crisis, because I didn’t want to drive him to the airport, but I felt a paralyzing pull to not disappointing and not inconveniencing. I didn’t handle it well. But, it sparked a rear view journey for me about where I had said yes in the past when I meant no.
HOW CAN PEOPLE IDENTIFY THE NEED TO PLEASE?
Recognize the patterns from where you learned them, usually in your family of origin. Feel what sensory cues come up when you’re in pleasing mode. Frustration, anger and eye rolling are helping us know our needs are being butted up against. Pay attention to those moments, and use our words. “What works best for me is…”
Shift the attention back on yourself and slow the moment down. Ask yourself what’s true instead of making an assumption.
WHAT’S A MINDFULNESS TOOL YOU CAN SHARE?
Mindfulness mediation is my number one go-to. You don’t have to quiet your mind totally. You can sit for ten minutes daily. Recognize that everything that arises is an element that arises, such as smells and sounds. They are inputs on the cork board of consciousness. You can thank the thought and move on. Emotions we feel are also pushpins on the cork board of consciousness. They’re temporary and ripe with information. We can catch emotions as they arise, rather than when we’re heated or in meltdown.
I also find being in motion helps me be present. I skate and do electronic skateboarding with one wheel. I can’t be multitasking during these moments.
Breath, laughter, touch, movement, and anything involving our five senses help us get out of thinking mode and into receptivity and being present.
THE PRESENT
I help independent women attract and grow lasting love without losing parts of themselves. We do work in reflecting on our past, to understand who we are today. We do a lot of work on reframing our history and telling a new history, to see those experiences as fuel for who we are today.
We learn how to show up differently in the future, and learn how to pause and process around conflict. We do work on emotional regulation and mastery.
THE FUTURE
I love gathering women together in unique circumstances. I love creating immersive glamping experiences and spectacle dance performances.
THE LIGHTNING ROUND
- I used to think I wasn’t good, fit, thin enough.
- What was the #1 thing holding you back from becoming a woman
of value? My need to please others and ease their discomfort. - What’s the best advice you can give to a woman who wants to
become more empowered? Know thyself. You can’t do it in a vacuum, so find the professionals who can help.
- What advice would you give to your younger self? Be gentle.
- What’s something people get wrong about you? My relationship is free from conflict or struggle. I try to be open and honest about that. The ways in which we resolve conflict matter most.
- How would you like to be remembered? I’d love to be remembered as one is joyfully humble, doesn’t take myself too seriously, but is in a role of service, helping others do the same.
Connect with Bex!
IG: @lovecoachbex
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