Being a nice girl isn’t healthy when ‘nice’ means giving up your needs to make someone else more important. Here’s what to do instead…
“Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of.” Many of us were taught to mind our manners, don’t make a scene in public, don’t raise our voices, be lady-like, and at all costs, keep the peace. In other words, we raised to be a ‘nice girl’. If this sounds familiar, you’re in good company. And it’s time to change that!
What’s Wrong With Being a Nice Girl?
So many of us were raised with these outdated destructive principles. Being a nice girl (aka people pleaser) isn’t always healthy, especially when ‘nice’ means giving up your needs to make someone else more important.
So, while you may have been taught to not make waves, you probably weren’t taught to take a stand for your needs and set clear boundaries with others. If you’re giving and accommodating endlessly, your needs are being ignored, and that’s not very nice at all!
When you’re smiling to the outside world, but inside you’re unhappy and exhausted, that’s the farthest thing from nice.
Giving to others is commendable, but not at the risk of losing yourself. I’ve seen too many women try to be the nice girl at work and in their personal relationships, and they ended up feeling exhausted and undervalued.
From Nice Girl To Woman of Value
Let’s ditch the Nice Girl persona, shall we? It’s time to be a Woman of Value! Here how…
1. Honor and respect yourself before giving to others.
Know who you are. Make a list of the top five values that are most important to you, and then describe what each one means to you. For example, if ‘kindness’ is important to you, how is that displayed in your life? Do you volunteer at a soup kitchen? Do you bring casseroles to friends who are recovering from surgery? What is it to you? Then make sure you’re fulfilling those values in your daily life.
2. Set and express clear boundaries.
Once you know your values, get clear about what you’re going to do if someone disrespects one of them. Let’s say one of your values is ‘healthy living’, and you eat a vegan diet and take a Sunday morning yoga class. Your boyfriend says, “Enough with that ridiculous food you eat. You should just go out for a steak with me tomorrow.” Let him know that your way of eating is important to you, and he doesn’t have to agree with it. But, if he disrespects you, this relationship is not going to work. See what he says. If he continues to put down your value around healthy living, walk away.
The best relationships are built on two people with a strong sense of self, uniting in love to support each other’s dreams and goals.
So ditch the nice girl, and show up as a woman of value. Stand up for your needs, set clear boundaries, and speak up about the things that matter most to you. This is how we live our best life.
What’s one small step you’ll take today to ditch the ‘nice girl’ and be a woman of value?