My podcast guest, Treva Brandon Scharf, was done being single at 50. She’s a certified life coach, dating expert, fitness professional, and marriage first-timer at 50. With over 35 years in the coaching business, and many more in the singles world, Treva knows first-hand how to achieve peak performance in both life and love.
Treva also hosts the podcast “Done Being Single,” with her husband Robby, on the VoiceAmerica Talk Radio Network. I was featured on their show here: Single Life At Midlife: What Every Woman Should Know on the Done Being Single Show.
In this episode of The Woman of Value Podcast:
- How Treva was finally able to marry for the first time after 50
- How she met her husband and why he became the ‘one’
- The internal shifts necessary to let love in
- The importance of setting boundaries with family
- A powerful exercise to center yourself every day
- A deeper understanding of her father’s recent death
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Show Notes for S2 EP5: Treva Brandon Scharf – Done Being Single at 50
Dealing with crisis and drama
3:21 At the time of our recording, Treva had just gone through a major crisis in her life. She’s an only child of divorced parents. Both parents were sick and in the hospital at the same time. Her father passed away from metastasized lung cancer a week ago. Her mom is moving to assisted living in just a few days. Treva had pneumonia and is managing all of this with no time to decompress.
Why she was single for so long
7:05 We hear the story of Treva’s parent’s divorce, and how she was sucked into their drama often. She explains why it was so hard for her to find love for so much of her life. She had no idea what healthy love looked like. She equates her father’s death to the feeling of being left by an ex-boyfriend. We speak about the importance of closure when a relationship ends. And how sometimes you don’t get closure.
A meditation practice to stay sane
17:43 Treva takes us through her MBSR meditation (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction). It includes a practice of gratitude and forgiveness of self and others. She does a guided visualization, and outlines her goals, tasks, and more.
The power of breath
During the past few months, there was an uncanny connection between Treva and her parents—BREATH. Treva had pneumonia, her mother had a lung disease, and her father had metastasized lung cancer. We speak about the power of breath, and how it connected her to her parents in good and not so good ways.
The importance of setting clear boundaries
25:00 When she got married, it wreaked havoc on her family. It’s been a path of growth for her as she learned boundaries. She’s feeling lighter as she’s let go of the weight of carrying her parent’s emotions. As an empath, she takes on people’s pain. She describes how this skill helps her tune into her clients’ pain. She understands the root of their issues.
Why was she finally done being single at 50?
30:00 She describes her despair at turning 50, not loving her career, and being unhappy with her life. She threw herself a birthday party and invited a Facebook friend, Robby, who ended up becoming her husband.
34:55 She was finally done being single, because she had changed. She was able to receive all that Robby was – kind, considerate, a quality guy. She let go and relaxed at 50, and so this nice guy came into the picture and her angst was gone.
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